I'm working on a bundle of short stories. They are going to be in the form of a journalist interviewing characters. Traveling always gets the creative juices flowing and my recent trip to New York compelled me to write a little satire about the airline industry. I'm not saying we had to stand on our way back, but I felt a bit herded and prodded. Enjoy.
A cut above the
rest
‘It’s
a new airline, it’s low cost but they claim to do things a bit different from
the rest,’ said Sander Forrester handing his journalist Michael the booking
confirmation.
Michael
took the note somewhat surprised; he thought he was to work on his series of
remarkable people from Edinburgh for the supplement.
‘The
CEO of this company is from Edinburgh; you’ll have a meeting with him once you
get off the plane,’ added his editor if reading his thoughts.
A
few days later Michael was trying to check into his flight online. The
procedure was mostly in-line with other low cost airlines he had flown with,
until he came to the part where he expected to print off his boarding card. A
message came up saying they were a paper free airline and he was just to turn
up at the counter with his identity papers.
Michael
duly turned up for his flight at Edinburgh airport and found the counter for
Prime Airlines. He didn’t like that the counter and the uniforms of the staff
were all white, somehow the clinical look didn’t fit with the image he had of a
low cost airline. He would have preferred some weird colour of green or orange.
‘Good
morning Mr Barnes, how are we today?’ asked the smiling agent after he had
handed over his passport.
‘Very
well, and are you excited about your company’s first flight?’
‘Yes
I am, I think we are going to be bigger than Easyjet,’
He
smiled at the agent’s enthusiasm and wondered if a few weeks from now she would
still be this perky.
‘Now
could you lean forward so we can get you boarding.’
‘excuse
me?’ asked Michael surprised.
‘Could
you please put your head over the counter,’
Expecting
some camera on the other side that would take a picture for a boarding card, he
stuck his head forwards. A sharp pain in his neck made him jerk back.
‘What
the hell?’ he barked rubbing his neck.
‘We
do things differently here at Prime, we’ve inserted a chip so the next time you
fly you can use our handy app, scan your chip and all your information is
already there. It is also better for the environment,’ she added smiling
brightly and wished him a good flight.
Michael
felt very unnerved by having a chip inserted under his skin and wondered what
other uses the airline had in mind for it.
The
normally long queues at security were even longer as a separate queue handled
the Prime airline customers.
‘Blood
scanners didn’t arrive in time,’ grumbled the guard, trying to get the normally
stationary boarding card scanner to line up with Michael’s neck. A beep
indicated the system had found the chip and he was let through after his belt,
wallet, bag, shoes and laptop had gone through the x-ray machine.
He
found the gate and a seat and waited for boarding while checking his emails.
‘Passengers
traveling on Prime can now upgrade to Prime cuts for ten pounds only. Speedy
boarding, seats and views are some of the many benefits,’ Michael heard announce
over the Tannoy. He wasn’t at first sure whether he had heard all the
information correctly until the female agent made the same announcement again.
He went to find her and questioned her about some of the things he’d heard.
‘Am
I correct in stating that I’m not guaranteed a place on this plane unless I
upgrade to Prime cuts.’
‘No
sir, everyone who is waiting for this flight will get on, but we have grades of
traveling. Standing, standing with a view or seated,’ explained the agent.
‘But
I thought non seated flying wasn’t safe and illegal?’
‘We
at Prime Airlines have put a lot of research into new harness technology and
its safety in case of a crash; we’ve been cleared by the civil aviation
authority.’
‘Ok,’
said Michael rather stunned, having to stand during his flight to London was
not what he had expected. He left the agent to set up some barriers to make
sure that boarding would proceed in an orderly fashion.
‘Boarding
flight PA0346 to London Gatwick will now commence at gate A4, we now call all Prime
cut passengers to board first.’
Michael
got up and watched as some passengers moved to the front, had their necks
scanned and disappeared through gate A4. He had to admit it was very quick and
efficient and soon it was his turn to make his way onto the plane.
The
safety card in the pocket of the panel in front of him told him that he was on
board a Boeing 737-400 series, but it wasn’t like any plane he had been on
before. He hoisted himself into the uncomfortable 5 point harness that held his
body against a rigid partition wall. There was barely enough space to hold a
magazine to read in front of his face. He had counted several rows like this
when he came in and just a few rows of seats at the front of the plane. He
anxiously waited for take-off and hoped there weren’t any delays.
An
hour and twenty later, the plane touched down in London and Michael freed
himself from his uncomfortable harness. He moved his limbs as much as he could
and waited to get off.
‘Dean
Smyth,’ introduced the man who Michael had spotted with a sign saying his name
in the arrivals hall.
‘I
didn’t expect the CEO of Prime Airlines to meet me in person.’
‘Well
I’m very involved with every aspect of the company, including public relations.
I make sure I have a look at all aspects of the business. I’m not someone that
runs the company from behind the desk,’ he suddenly laughed raucously and
winked, ‘I don’t mind getting my hands dirty!’
Michael
didn’t find this all that amusing but he laughed politely anyway. He observed
the man as he led them to his office. He was tall and dressed in a smart suit,
but something shouted country dweller. Maybe it was his ruddy red complexion or
his brusque way of moving but Michael could tell that Dean Smyth was not from
the city.
‘So
Mr Smyth have you worked in the airline industry for long?’ started Michael his
interview soon after they’d sat down in Dean’s comfortable office and his
assistant had brought in some coffee.
‘Not
at all, I used to manage an abattoir outside of Edinburgh,’ Dean answered
grinning at the shocked expression on the journalists face.
‘Quite
a departure from air travel slaughtering animals.’
‘No
disrespect to our customers, but getting animals from farm to shop is a lot
like getting passengers from A to B.’
‘Really?’
‘Of
course our customers are willingly going from A to B, but in the end it is
about getting there at the lowest cost in the most efficient manner. Getting a
nervous crowd fast and safely on a flight is remarkably like getting cattle
into an abattoir.’
For
a moment Michael was speechless and when he remembered the name of their
customer priority plan, his stomach churned.
‘It
is a bit tasteless calling your priority plan Prime Cuts, knowing your history
in meat processing.’
‘Oh
god I never thought! The boys in marketing thought the amalgam of Prime
Airlines and cutting lines was a good idea,’ said Dean rather worried, he was
aware of the potential PR disaster this could be. Michael wondered if the boys
in PR were having a laugh at their bosses’ expense. He asked Dean some more
questions about his fleet of aircraft and what destinations he was planning to
fly to. When he had enough information for his article he thanked Dean Smyth
and promised to contact him when the article would be in the paper. He was not
looking forwards to his return flight to Edinburgh and debated upgrading to
Prime cuts. He decided it was against the spirit of low cost flying and
suffered his standing place back to Edinburgh.
‘So
winner or loser,’ asked Sander on his return.
‘Winner,
the tickets are half the price of the competition,’
‘But
standing during a plane ride?’ asked Sander scepticaly.
‘I
think as passengers we have learned to put up with a lot for our desire to
travel the world at a minimal cost. I think the days of luxury air travel and
sterling service are long gone. Even regular airlines only treat their first
class passengers with some service beyond the expected,’ Michael sighed, ‘face
it, low cost, economy, you might as well call it cattle class. Standing room
was always only going to be a matter of time.’
